Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
