everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
