So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
