If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
