I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
