And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
