I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize