i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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