The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
