Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
