you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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