Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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