drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
