I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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