Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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