So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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