Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
