You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
