Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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