We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
