I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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