Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You need a sexual gate keeper
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
