I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
