I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
