Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
