I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
