I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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