A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
