need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
