happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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