he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize