Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
