I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
