I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
