got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize