Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
