The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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