My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
