And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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