It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
