I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
