next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
