I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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