Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize