im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
