omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just tell him i said nine months
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
