I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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