can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
