Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
