the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
