So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
