He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
