I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You made out with two different species that night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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