i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
dude. I can hear the air.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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