apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
