I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You pole danced in your parka.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
