I will die if light touches me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
