I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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