Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
