i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
