Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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