Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
