im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
