and she was petting her beer can
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We smell like vodka and hangover
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