I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
