hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize