Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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