I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
