I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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