Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
