dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
