Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
