He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
