I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
