If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
