if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
